Shorty
I have a tiny cock
Like a crooked little finger
Everybody else's dick
Is inevitably bigger
If six inch as an average
Can truly be believed
Someone here in this room
Is twice the size of me
If you can do your algebra
Already you will know
Four inches is the maximum
My dick will ever go
For the engineers among you
I'll express my ratio
My little one inch wonder
Up to four times it can grow
CHORUS:
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
Yes
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
My pubes are even longer
They make a comfy nest
With a little acorn sat
Upon the very crest
Rummage in my fly and
Wish that I were blessed
Searching frantically
I recover just the head
Get a little piss drip
Up on my finger tip
There's absolutely nothing there
For me to get a grip
If I sit to pee I must
Be wary of my jet
The angle of my dangle means
My trousers may get wet
CHORUS
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
Yes
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
I wank it with one finger
If you really want to know
And no I can't imagine
The feeling of deep throat
When I look down I can still
Clearly see my toes
But my little willy hides
Beneath my belly folds
Sometimes it is inverted
Even when it isn't cold
Like a little turtle
Inside of me it goes
Girls they like to tell me
It' such a cute surprise
Until I have to tell them I
Left the condom stuck inside
CHORUS
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
Yes
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
I'm hung like Mickey Mouse
I'm glad now to admit
For the greater pain exists
In propagating myths
According to the Internet
Real men have massive dicks
And you are next to useless
If you're 'only' average
So if you're sat with five or six then
Feel the relief
You no longer have to hide it
In shame and misery
For I'm the living proof you've got
Way more than you need
For even with four inches
My, girl's in love with me
CHORUS
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
Yes
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
If you want to BUY The Small Penis Bible, you can do so here:
Any and all support is very much welcomed.
After writing Shorty and performing it a few times I stumbled into the first of many documentary projects that never really went anywhere; this one though did send out a mailshot through a proper marketing company and all at once things went viral...
I'll write the full story up one day (honest) but Shorty led to a kind of organic 'campaign for body positivity in men and the eradication of penis size shaming'.
Of course nothing got eradicated, but the conversation I started is still going on and one day life will be sweet for those who remain.
This campaign roughly broke down into:
2014: The release of Shorty
2015: The Big Small Penis Party
2016: Publication of The Small Penis Bible
2017: The Thriva 'nothing wrong with a little prick' campaign
2018: Manhood Project and Life modelling for Harry's Razors
There was massive media attention at all stages - which you can re-live by listening, watching, reading or browsing the audio, video, text and photos scattered around this page; please enjoy.
A selection of the many articles that were written following the anti-shame campaign that sort of just happened:
Here's some of the photographs and illustrations from the campaign, including a set of me performing at the Sexual Freedom Awards in the year that I was nominated: