Ant Smith
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Poetry

So Much of Who I Am

So much of who I am
was meant to make him proud.
and Im sure he was, proclaimed the crowd
But still,
with what can I fill my life now?
Nothing.
For a time.
For how long? God only knows
I thought six months. Then nine
But now,
god only knows
I thought it would crush me -
and my guilty secret is that somehow I survived,
Survived the worst day of my life
Nothing can be said.
Precious little cam be done.
Its all a fearful mess
And what am I?
Nothing,
For a time,
if not my fathers son

I wish hed taught me,
to believe in ghosts
cause I want to feel hes near me
cause I cant let go
I felt protected,
cause I was my fathers son
But now I fear,.
I feel my shield has gone
and I just want him,
back here beside my side
I dont want to, say my last goodbyes.
And I just want him
To still be in my life.
And I just want him,
back beside my side


Poetry