DIAGNOSIS

Doctor, Doctor!

Who's there?

What? No, it isn't a joke. Its my head doctor.

I see.

Do you?

No, not really. What seems to be the problem - apart from the obvious?

I don't always know where it is doctor. It's like a high pitched alert sound wakes me up and I realise I have spent time, measurable time, with a terrible rush of buzzing filling my brain with my whole head absent from the room like I am lost in some great abyss where lives only pain fear and darkness and then I have to rewind the netflix.

You have the netflix?

No, my mate down the pub does.

I see.

Do you?

Yes. It's quite simple really.

I was worried I had Ménière's disease, or labyrinthineitisis?

Google is it?

Yes doctor.

Well no, nothng like that. It's quite simple really.

Is it?

Yes.

Can there be anything done for me?

Well, we can just pluck it out.

Pluck it out doctor?

Exactly.

Pluck what out?

The fly.

The fly?

Yes, the fly.

What fly?

The fly in your ear. You have a fly in your ear. Quite common. "Domestica musca infectio" the Romans would call it.

The Romans?

Yes. Alexander the Great had it. Died from it, actually.

Wasn't that a nosebleed?

Who's the doctor here?

Erm, okay, yes, sorry.

Mostly people don't die. You musn't worry. Well actually mostly people DO die, but mostly not from flies.

The flies come after?

Generally speaking that is so.

If you were to pluck it out... would it, hurt at all?

Oh it's excrutiatingly painful that's for sure. Aegrescit medendo.

More Latin?

Greek I think, Virgil. "the disease worsens with the cure/healing" - its part of the hypocratic oath don't you know.

I thought that was "first, do no harm"?

Yes, yes, of course.. FIRST, do no harm... thereafter, well, you know, whatevs.

Could we just leave it?

Do you want to die from a nose bleed?

I don't know really - aren't there worse ways to die?

Yes, but none quite so embarassing.

I see.

Oh, you will.