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Ant Smith
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So Much of Who I Am

So much of who I am

was meant to make him proud.

‘and I’m sure he was’, proclaimed the crowd

But still,

with what can I fill my life now?


For a time.

For how long? God only knows…

I thought six months. Then nine…

But now,

god only knows…

I thought it would crush me -

and my guilty secret is that somehow I survived,

Survived the worst day of my life…

Nothing can be said.

Precious little cam be done.

It’s all a fearful mess

And what am I?


For a time,

if not my father’s son

I wish he’d taught me,

to believe in ghosts

cause I want to feel he’s near me

cause I can’t let go

I felt protected,

cause I was my father’s son

But now I fear,.

I feel my shield has gone

and I just want him,

back here beside my side

I don’t want to, say my last goodbyes.

And I just want him

To still be in my life.

And I just want him,

back beside my side